WALKING=DRIVING

YELLOW CARD If you are caught in a game of chicken on the sidewalk, just stay to the right. This allows the sidewalks to flow as freely as a two-lane highway. That’s right, walking is just like driving. When you walk down a busy sidewalk, you should follow the same rules you do when you drive. So stay to the right, yield when you are turning left in front of oncoming traffic, look before you exit a store as you enter an “intersection” into oncoming traffic, etc. Although, I guess this advice doesn’t help if you are an idiot on the road. Maybe bad drivers are the idiots I can’t stand on the sidewalk. Or maybe sidewalk idiots are on the sidewalk because they don’t know how to drive and therefore don’t understand the rules of the road. Either way, whether walking or driving, people need to review the traffic rules. 

AIRPLANE CONCERT?

RED CARD I am not making up this story. As you can tell I am on an airplane a lot, so here is another story of the unbelievable idiots I encounter in my travels. It was Labor Day, Monday, September 6 late afternoon. The airplane was quite full. About mid-way through the flight I noticed how surprisingly peaceful the flight was. I stayed awake this flight since I was traveling with my boyfriend and I thought it rude to sleep. Anyway, all the sudden I hear music blasting from across the plane. Not only was it horrible adult light FM crap, but also it was blasting though an iPhone. So from a distance all you could here were tiny distorted sounds. I managed to get a good look at the idiot and sure enough, it was some guy holding up his iPhone between his and his wife’s seats so they could both enjoy some tunes. Really? Who does that? I was astonished. I of course, gave them my best passive aggressive, what the heck are you thinking stare, so much so that I thought I might have injured myself. I couldn’t believe what was happening, I was speechless. Now that I look back at the incident, I am for lack of a better word, impressed. The idiots in this world surprise me everyday. Each time I think I have encountered the most annoying person or endured the most annoying experience, the next idiot doesn’t fail.

BOARDING, CONT.

RED CARD You have just boarded a subway train – do you move all the way in or stay where you are and simply move to the side? Well, if chose option two, you are an idiot. Every passenger must enter at the front door, therefore by intelligent deductive reasoning, passengers who are already boarded should move as far to the back as they can to accommodate the boarding passengers. I cannot tell you how many times I have had to fight my way though a crowd of idiots as I board the Boston Green Line or a Chicago bus. I just cannot understand why people stand shoulder-to-shoulder in the front when there are empty areas in the back? And what really astonishes me, is that these idiots in the front have the audacity to give me dirty looks for wanting to get by them to reach the open space in the back. Man, people are stupid. It would be so much easier if idiots would just board and then proceed to the farthest possible area of the train. Is that so hard??

PLANE BOARDING

RED CARD Why, oh why, does it take so long to board a plane? When stupid people arrive at their seat aisle on an airplane do they (a) not realize that the people behind them can't get by them or (b) just not care? I do not understand why it takes so long to board a plane. I fly Southwest frequently, I love its boarding groups and no baggage fee policy, but I have found that this much freedom gives way to an unbelievable amount of idiotic behavior. Last time I flew Boston to Chicago it was 6am; therefore the plane was pretty empty. There were about 60 passengers for a plane that accommodates approximately 165 people. So why is it everyone fought over squeezing into the first 10 rows? I kid you not, a couple waited to squeeze into a row where every other seat was full instead of moving towards the back where there were completely empty rows? I moved toward the back and got tons of room to myself, I was so excited to spread out. But of course some idiot had to sit next me, versus the many empty rows still left! Is this proof that humans are in fact sheep, and will only go where the flock goes? And my final thought, if it's going to take you forever to lift your carryon into the overhead bin, move into the row and let the rest of us get by. This seems so obvious but there are just so many idiots that can't get it into their heads.

BOLT BUS

YELLOW CARD Public transportation, in all its forms is frankly just a horrible experience. It’s a necessary evil though because we need to get from here to there for professional and personal reasons. My love of seeing new places and the fact that my close friends and family are spread around the country are the only reasons I would ever subject myself to being corralled like a sheep to a cramped, dirty seat, surrounded by the huddled masses. Companies are installing new features to help us cope with this disgusting experience, but of course like every other innovation it causes just as many problems as it does solutions. I recently took the BOLT BUS from Boston to NYC. I was very excited that they had WI-FI on the bus, power outlets, extra leg room, and boarding similar to Southwest. Well, by the end of trip I felt like on was on a 4 hour ride in purgatory. BOLT BUS failed to mention that power outlets are only available on a select few seats; that the WI-FI was practically useless, since it took my iPad 10 minutes to load a single page; and the “extra” leg room only provided a comfortable amount of legroom if you are below average height. I feel naive for having such high hopes for the bus service to prior my experience. Honestly it’s better for companies not to provide all these upgrades if they can’t ensure the features will work. As I usually do when I’m forced to take public transportation, I just ended up using the time to take a nap.

BAGGAGE CLAIM

YELLOW CARD Plane travel is a true test of one's patience. For example, why is it that no matter how much space there is available at the baggage claim belt, the idiots have to flock to the spot right next to you? And then after they have crowded your personal space (this is your dance space, this is my dance space ) do they have to slowly ease their way in front of you as if you aren't waiting for a bag as well? Then you are forced to do the oh-so-subtle, passive aggressive scoot-forward and huff dance to regain your dominance. These idiots are most definitely always the ones who are actually surprised that their luggage isn't there already. I'm the first to admit that I have no patience, but honestly, does complaining about it make your luggage get there any faster? At this point in my traveling I'm usually about to burst, because I've sat through an entire plane ride with sniffling, coughing, snoring, chewing, crying, masses just to hear the same voices standing in front of me at baggage claim still annoying me. Ugh. So if you are reading this and you know exactly what I am talking about, vent your frustrations here! This site is for you! And if you are one of those idiots, please for the rest of our sakes, stop it!