WALKING=DRIVING

YELLOW CARD If you are caught in a game of chicken on the sidewalk, just stay to the right. This allows the sidewalks to flow as freely as a two-lane highway. That’s right, walking is just like driving. When you walk down a busy sidewalk, you should follow the same rules you do when you drive. So stay to the right, yield when you are turning left in front of oncoming traffic, look before you exit a store as you enter an “intersection” into oncoming traffic, etc. Although, I guess this advice doesn’t help if you are an idiot on the road. Maybe bad drivers are the idiots I can’t stand on the sidewalk. Or maybe sidewalk idiots are on the sidewalk because they don’t know how to drive and therefore don’t understand the rules of the road. Either way, whether walking or driving, people need to review the traffic rules. 

FOUR SCARE

YELLOW CARD I can't decide how I feel about geo-tagging technology like Four Square. Well, that is a lie, I hate it but I have to say I like it because as a marketer it's a great way to find and target potential customers. But it's creepy right? I mean, how could it possibly be a good idea to let strangers know where you are? I know you have to "friend" someone before they can see your status, but how can you know if the guy you "friended" who you know from high school, hasn't grown up to be a psycho stalker? Most of us don't really know the people we "friend" on our social media sites. So I guess its up to each of us to be careful when using social media sites. The dangers of geo-tagging will likely be a hot-topic for a long time. I can just see the Law and Order SVU episode now, Benson or Stabler making a smart remark, "This poor girl just wanted to use social media to meet friends, but instead met her end." DUN DUN

SKUNK HEAD

YELLOW CARD Who started this look? And who actually thinks it looks good? Stripes only occur in the wild, not on humans. Are you trying to look like a skunk or a sick tiger? Could you not decide what hair color you wanted, so you chose two? And the funny thing is, highlights are not cheap. So ironically, people spend a lot of money to look cheap. I can’t understand why these types of bad hairstyles are popular among teenagers and soccer moms. Maybe they are the ones telling each other it looks cool.

DRIVE-THRU

YELLOW CARD I rarely eat at McDonald’s (I do frequently go just for the Diet Coke, because true DC addicts know it’s the best), but when I get a craving for a burger or some fries I’ll swing through the drive-thru. It amazes that it can take some people so long to order a meal at McDonald’s. Do they think the menu changes? Why do they not think about what they are in the mood for before they arrive? What is the dilemma? You either want a burger, some sort of fried or grilled chicken, fish sandwich, salad or dessert item. It’s not like they have a wine list to read though or daily chef’s specials. It’s supposed to be fast food. It astonishes me that so many people are confused by the double-lanes that are at some locations. It’s just like a bank, no aisle is different than the other, they offer the same food, pick one and move up! And of course, please have your money ready.

AIRPLANE CONCERT?

RED CARD I am not making up this story. As you can tell I am on an airplane a lot, so here is another story of the unbelievable idiots I encounter in my travels. It was Labor Day, Monday, September 6 late afternoon. The airplane was quite full. About mid-way through the flight I noticed how surprisingly peaceful the flight was. I stayed awake this flight since I was traveling with my boyfriend and I thought it rude to sleep. Anyway, all the sudden I hear music blasting from across the plane. Not only was it horrible adult light FM crap, but also it was blasting though an iPhone. So from a distance all you could here were tiny distorted sounds. I managed to get a good look at the idiot and sure enough, it was some guy holding up his iPhone between his and his wife’s seats so they could both enjoy some tunes. Really? Who does that? I was astonished. I of course, gave them my best passive aggressive, what the heck are you thinking stare, so much so that I thought I might have injured myself. I couldn’t believe what was happening, I was speechless. Now that I look back at the incident, I am for lack of a better word, impressed. The idiots in this world surprise me everyday. Each time I think I have encountered the most annoying person or endured the most annoying experience, the next idiot doesn’t fail.

BOARDING, CONT.

RED CARD You have just boarded a subway train – do you move all the way in or stay where you are and simply move to the side? Well, if chose option two, you are an idiot. Every passenger must enter at the front door, therefore by intelligent deductive reasoning, passengers who are already boarded should move as far to the back as they can to accommodate the boarding passengers. I cannot tell you how many times I have had to fight my way though a crowd of idiots as I board the Boston Green Line or a Chicago bus. I just cannot understand why people stand shoulder-to-shoulder in the front when there are empty areas in the back? And what really astonishes me, is that these idiots in the front have the audacity to give me dirty looks for wanting to get by them to reach the open space in the back. Man, people are stupid. It would be so much easier if idiots would just board and then proceed to the farthest possible area of the train. Is that so hard??

PLANE BOARDING

RED CARD Why, oh why, does it take so long to board a plane? When stupid people arrive at their seat aisle on an airplane do they (a) not realize that the people behind them can't get by them or (b) just not care? I do not understand why it takes so long to board a plane. I fly Southwest frequently, I love its boarding groups and no baggage fee policy, but I have found that this much freedom gives way to an unbelievable amount of idiotic behavior. Last time I flew Boston to Chicago it was 6am; therefore the plane was pretty empty. There were about 60 passengers for a plane that accommodates approximately 165 people. So why is it everyone fought over squeezing into the first 10 rows? I kid you not, a couple waited to squeeze into a row where every other seat was full instead of moving towards the back where there were completely empty rows? I moved toward the back and got tons of room to myself, I was so excited to spread out. But of course some idiot had to sit next me, versus the many empty rows still left! Is this proof that humans are in fact sheep, and will only go where the flock goes? And my final thought, if it's going to take you forever to lift your carryon into the overhead bin, move into the row and let the rest of us get by. This seems so obvious but there are just so many idiots that can't get it into their heads.